Here with you

 couple-holding-hands-300x199 I have been wanting to blog now for awhile and I keep putting it off.  I have a post or two in mind about being busy, but, well, I have been too busy to get around to it. And so it goes. But I have had a thought I cannot let go and I want to get it down while the moment is fresh. I have lately felt like I am caught in an undertow and I am struggling to crack the surface of the water so I can catch my breath and find that lifeboat that I know is just above me.  Life has not only been busy, it’s been hard.  There have been disappointments, pressures, trials and failures, and the strain of trying to adjust to the inevitable changes of life. I work in the area of grief and loss, and it should not surprise me how loss is at once unique and achingly isolating, while also so completely universal that there is almost a resounding sigh of “yes, I know” in the atmosphere when someone expresses one of the truths of grief. There is something unifying (beyond the old “misery loves company” saying) in sharing a burden, in silently holding a pain, even for a moment, that is not your own, but you know it just the same.  I have experienced this with family and close friends in my own, life, but nowhere more deeply than in my marriage. Sometimes it is just a slight hand squeeze laying in bed, bracing for a new day, when the last one was just too cruel.  Sometimes it’s letting the tears fall and knowing no words will do what simply being there will.   Sometimes it is staying up way too late being the sounding board for jumbled thoughts and emotions.  Sometimes it is the look that says “we will get through this,” and sometimes it is the secret joke or healing laughter that helps us do just that. We have been married 14 years now, and I know we in some ways may have just broken the surface.  But from what we’ve come through already, I could not be more certain that this is what it means to become one, to be united to another beyond all that is temporary, so that when the storm has passed, what is left is strong and sure, a treasure worth fighting for.  And I know that storms do pass, and that under clear skies, with multitudes of blessings flying around like the beautiful leaves outside, we are closer for what we came through together. There is a song I love, one that has become a favorite of ours,  that I can best describe as a lover’s lullaby.  I’ll end with that, saying only that I have been both the giver and receiver of this kind of quiet, sweet, burden sharing love, and I think there is almost no more pure love, this side of heaven, than this.

Here- Neal and Leandra

You see deserts in the distance, but you don't have to 
cross them yet
Raging rivers without bridges that will drown you in your loneliness
You see storms on the horizon that take away your 
very breath
I know these things are true and I know I love you
There's nothing we can do 'til we get there
Right now we're here      

Here, where the day is ending
Here, where the sky has finally cleared
And no one can hurt you
Here, you don't have to say a word
And you can cry your tears
Because I know what you've come through
The stars are falling, the night is full
And for at least this moment love won't disappear

You've been burned before, I know it, and you think 
your heart has been consumed
But there are doors you haven't opened, the heart has got so many rooms   
I can't heal what has been damaged, but you can walk
 through any door you choose
I know this much is true, I will walk with you
The road is long, but some day we'll get there
Right now we're here

I will not leave when the next storm blows through
When it's too dark to see, I'm right beside you

The stars are falling, the night is full
And I promise you this love won't disappear
All we've got is here

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